words we wish for

In our series, words we wish for, we pose questions to the community in order to gain perspectives from individuals from all walks of life. In our second installment, we posed the question, “I wish someone told me _______ when I lost weight” and here are some of the responses. First, a note from Bethany: I wish someone told me that skinnier doesn’t equal more powerful. I wish someone told me food wasn’t the enemy. I wish someone told me that starvation and purging can lead to long term health issues. I wish someone would have hugged me. I wish someone would have listened. I wish someone would have sent help. I wish they didn’t say “wow you look great!” I wish they didn’t say “body goals.” I wish they didn’t ask, “what’s your diet?” In fact, I wish they didn’t comment at all. I wish they knew that the smaller I was, the more broken I became. That as my body dwindled so did my spirit. That I was chained to a size and felt imprisoned most of my life. I wish they knew my lies. I wish, I wish, I wish for a world where we are not judged by our body. Where thinness is not a prize. Where we understand that size is not directly related to health and that sometimes our skinniest is also our saddest. I wish for body-neutrality, meaning our body is nothing more than just that, a body…a vessel. A vessel which holds the good stuff, the stuff that makes us the incredible people that we are—personality, intelligence, humor, spirit, laughter, dreams and soul. I wish we knew we are more than a size. We are human beings, working to thrive. Not just survive. I wish someone told me…

+ That they wanted to know if I was okay.

+ The issues I have with my body don’t go away with the weight. Also, buying new pants is expensive…

+ NOTHING. I wish no one noticed or cared. 

+ I seem more confident.

+ Wow. You look healthy!

+ Are you taking care of yourself?

+ You don’t need to be thin to be loved by me.

+ People will be attracted to you because of your new energy, not your new shape… don’t get it confused.


"when I was at my 'lightest/skinniest' weight, I was also at my 'lowest/most fragile' emotionally. when I look at pictures from that time, I'm not wishing I looked like that again. I'm proud I don't because I can only think about what was going on in my head then to keep me from eating. I haven't been on a scale since I started be.coming and I have no intention of ever getting on one again."
- @superdor

+ That the negative thoughts would still come, but they’d switch from “I wish I was thinner” to “oh my gosh, how do I hold this body in place so I don’t lose this?”

+ My worth is not tied to the number on the scale.

+ It doesn’t make you happier.

+ NOT that they were proud of me.

+ Hi! What’s the latest book you’ve read? AKA a conversation that’s not about my weight would have been nice.

+ Your life doesn’t get better. Your vulnerabilities don’t disappear.

+ That the loss on the scale doesn’t automatically mean an increase in self-love.

+ I hope you’re taking care of yourself from the inside out.


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