words we wish for
In our series, words we wish for, we pose questions to the community in order to gain perspectives from individuals from all walks of life. In our third installment, we posed the question, “I wish someone told me _______ when I suffered a loss” and here are some of the responses.
I wish someone told me…
- That my body had the power to heal, that my heart had the power to heal, and that my mind had the power to heal. But that none of it would matter if I didn’t take the time to acknowledge the pain I was feeling.
- To cry and cry and cry some more. I wish they had told me I’d still be sobbing like it just happened years later. That the brief moments of relief that things are less complicated would almost immediately be followed by wanting all the inconveniences back. It just doesn’t get better or easier. It just gets more distant.
- Your feelings are valid.
- Even if it is months from now, you can still get to ask for support around this grief. There is no timeline you need to obey.
- There is no correct way to grieve. Nor should you feel obligated to behave how others say or suggest you should. You don’t have to perform for anyone.
- Seeking professional help or taking time off of work is okay!
- Grieve it fully. Cry and rage and be angry. Only when grief is experienced all the way can healing begin.
- You won’t feel it on the obvious days; you feel it when you would never expect it.
- Said nothing and just listened.
- It changes. Sometimes it feels better. Sometimes it feels worse. But the way you feel right now is not the way you will feel forever.
- I don’t know what that’s like, I don’t even know what to say, but I want to be here for you in whatever way you find helpful. Even if that’s just sitting with you without talking. You are not alone.
- Grieving is not linear.
- It’s okay to break down. Just remember to breathe.
- It’s okay if you’re still grieving about it months and years from now. Society teaches to move past it but then we think it’s not okay to still be sad six months later.
- As more time goes on, the duller your memories are. No matter how significant the loss is, you will still end up forgetting things because life goes on. This can be good or bad or both.
- Grieving is not linear.
- Grief is deeply personal. Don’t dishonor your own unique experience by expecting it to look the same as everyone else’s.
- That losing a dream of what could have/should have been is just as real as losing the reality of what was.
- Your friends and family will eventually have sympathy fatigue. Don’t let this discourage you.
- Don’t carry everything yourself. Lean on the ones that you love.