first month with tbp (part two) ll cristina shares
Last week, we posted the first part of cristina’s journey with the be.come project. In case you missed it, you can find it here. Read on for part two!
At week three I’m ready to give Bethany a hug. I’m still into this AT WEEK THREE! By now I usually would start to wander off and find excuses to not workout, well it’s not happening. That little fire in my heart is still very much alive and well and wants to continue to feel I’m doing something for myself, even if the nightmare of remodeling and feeling is never ending is still very present. I stopped paying attention on how well I look while doing a forward lunge or if I’m doing the pose PERFECTLY, as long as I feel good afterwards and I enjoy these 30 min. I’m gifting myself then it’s all good. Bethany’s words of encouragement, the tutorials that I sometimes watch before I do the routine, I’m beginning to think that the be.come project and what it’s about is really getting to me.
I’m not obsessing about the scale anymore, I’m starting to feel a bit more flexible, I’m eating healthier not for any other reason but to make myself feel better. What happened?! I’ve been in a self-destructive mode for YEARS, sabotaging every diet, workout, gym membership, EVERYTHING and now I’m not even thinking about it? I would obsess about my “cheat day” and now I’m not thinking about it, wait, what?! I’m not even thinking if my husband will find me more attractive, I don’t even care if ANYONE else finds me more attractive, I think I’m starting to like what I see in the mirror even if its far from being perfect.
This week has been the busiest between work and home remodel, plus I’m starting to feel an emotional low, I’m not feeling my body right, negative thoughts are coming back… thinking that I’m never going to look like I would like to. What if I eat more this week? I crave carbs more than ever and I feel I’m going to mess it all up if I allow myself to eat it. Coincidently Bethany posts a story about how this week has been off and if you didn’t feel like working out, or starting late in the week, that was still ok. Walker, my dog, still keeps me company as I continue the routines.
This accepting attitude is a game changer. I’ve been a person that has talked myself down so many times for years, telling myself how I’m a failure because it’s Friday and I have yet to do this week’s routine and now I’m being told that is ok if I begin late? That I still have time to make it up? I’m not used to being OK with whatever “I think” I’m failing at, so guess what? I did this week’s routine on Friday and it was GREAT! Every week I feel it’s a little bit more intense and I feel the workouts a bit more, then I realized I’m actually doing the full pose, not the easy one, and I’m feeling my body can take the whole routine without telling myself “I need a minute” or “I don’t think I can do this” I DID A PLANK! A FULL ONE, how awesome is this? I know it sounds insignificant, but when you realize you are still doing these workouts at week 4, even if it’s a couple of times a week this feels like a huge accomplishment.
I’m enjoying how my body feels after working out. My knees don’t hurt anymore, I can walk up all the stars at my work’s parking structure without running out of breath. My favorite moves from the routine are the core workouts for sure, since that’s my weakest spot. I like how everything is slow but feels effective, like the one you feel the next day. I definitely enjoy this type of workout best.
I need to thank Bethany for creating this app, their words, how they focus on creating tutorials, how they want to listen to what you have to say, find out if you liked that week’s routine, if you have comments, their way of making you feel ok if that week was “off” for you, to tap into your feelings before and after the workout. I don’t know if people realize how emotionally challenging is to do something good for you, especially when you keep putting yourself last.
I started this journey April 16, 2019, it’s now May 30th and I’m still working out. This hasn’t happened in over 10 years. I’m putting myself first for the first time and I’m making sure I dedicate these 30 min. at least 2/3 times a week, this is huge… I went from having pity parties, ignoring my feelings with work and being overwhelmed with a huge to-do list, eating my emotions and finding a million excuses to not do something for myself to taking 30 min. at the end of the day to practice some self-care.
For me the be.come project is more than a workout routine, is a reminder that I love myself enough to change my dynamic from feeling like crap to enjoying feeling good. I’m not intimidated by this feeling anymore and I’m actually embracing it. I can’t wait to see where this road will lead me to as I feel I’m going through a lot of changes in my life right now. I feel this piece of the puzzle is very significant to my emotional wellbeing and one I don’t want to let go of.
Thanks to @crispauel for sharing!