I’ve had a complicated relationship with my body for as long as I can remember. We’ve hurt each other in ways neither of us would tolerate from another human being. My whole life, I’ve longed for the day that I’d finally feel comfortable in my own skin, but this past October I celebrated my 30th birthday, and the feelings and criticisms I have toward my body are exactly the same as they’ve always been.
Hating my body so much for so long has been exhausting. It’s taken a massive toll on my mental and physical health. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve tried and failed to develop a steady gym habit or commit to a diet based on depriving myself of the foods I love (hello, French fries) in order to look or feel a certain way. I never understood people who enjoy working out. For me, going to the gym has always been a chore, a punishment for eating too much pizza or having one too many glasses of wine during The Bachelor. It always works for a little while, but it’s not sustainable, and every time I slip I fall into a hole of shame and self-loathing and the cycle begins again.
At the beginning of 2018, I decided to make a change. This was going to be the year I would fall in love with myself. A few months later, I found Bethany and started be.come, and I don’t think that’s a coincidence. With be.come, moving my body in challenging ways doesn’t feel like a punishment, but a gift. Never once have I finished a routine feeling worse than when I started. Through the app, I’ve learned to appreciate my body for all the amazing things she can do. I’m constantly amazed by how strong and resilient my body is. I’m learning to love the parts I’ve always viewed as flawed or undesirable. I’m not as concerned that my belly isn’t perfectly flat because underneath it is a strong, powerful core that I’ve worked my ass off for…although not literally. I’ve still got the booty, and I’m okay with that.
Bethany’s messaging has helped change the way I talk to myself. be.come isn’t about fixing the parts of myself I don’t like in order to be happy. It’s about being content with who I am now, and I have nothing but gratitude for Bethany and this beautiful thing they have created.