I have wanted to write in for some time. And this week was just a catalyst for me. I have been becoming since the very first beta round. I was then working on my obsession with exercise and restrictive eating and it seemed you found me at the perfect time. In the 18ish months I have been be.coming my whole outlook on health and fitness has become healthier. But the reason I am writing is more personal than that.
In December I found out I was pregnant. We were so happy. And 3 weeks later I miscarried. It was crushing. This weeks routine fell on the week of my miscarriage. I would go into my room, play the video and sit and listen even though my body physically could not complete the workout. It was just time to myself. I watched, I listened. I cried. And as I felt better I slowly started becoming again and it felt so good to move.
I am pregnant again and the whole 10 weeks has been anxiety filled. But my one saving grace has been movement through be.come. Because I don’t feel less than for modifying or taking breaks. It’s the only workout I have been able to do and not feel awful afterwards. I feel energized and beautiful.
And this week, I just finished the routine and I’m sobbing. Because I am reminded of that week in January, and how so much can change, and how strong I am. And I felt so good doing the routine today, with every modification and breaks. My children watch me be.come and comment on how wonderful you are. And they aren’t wrong.