A little back story/about me:
I know you have eyes and can see me, but here I am – I’m a short fat lesbian with the flattest pancake ass, & comically large boobs. Do I see myself represented in the fitness world? Absolutely NEVER. So, maybe this is the chance to be the representation I’d so love to see!
I have PCOS which is an endocrine disorder that wrecked havoc on my body. In my twenties, I gained an extreme amount of weight very quickly, for seemingly no reason, before I was diagnosed. Couple that with some of the other symptoms – hair loss on the head, hair growth on the chin/upper lip, and acne – sounds fun right – and it created a recipe for me to truly HATE my body. Hate. HAAAAAATTTTTEEEEEEE.
The weight gain was particularly hard because I spent my whole life dancing. I started when I was 4 & never stopped. I spent 8+ hours a day after school dancing, being captain of my cheerleading squad & spent weekends at dance competitions. I took dance classes all through college & did many dance related events with my sorority. I was SO active!
After the weight gain, I couldn’t move my body in the way I was used to & it put me in a really nasty funk for years. I felt like I was out of control & like my body was rebelling against me. It was such a powerless place to be.
Fast forward to November 2017: I was scrolling on Instagram & saw a dance class that looked so fun – all the lights off, party lights on – basically like being in the club. So even though I was scared, I signed up – I figured I didn’t have much to lose. I am SO grateful that I did because those classes have changed my life!
I worked my way up building my endurance & stamina over the past 5 months, also adding in yoga, & am now spending about 2-3 hours daily between yoga, dancing, & PT to address some old injuries. And you know what? I feel AMAZING!
I was traveling a lot in March so I signed up for the Be.come Project because it was something I could do anywhere & it was like a lightbulb went off! Watching/doing those routines (and soaking in the incredible amount of grace, support, & encouragement provided in them) made me adjust my thinking.
I’ve stopped obsessing over how much I HATE how my body looks & started being proud of it for all the hard work it does. 5 months ago I could barely get through 1 hour of class & was exhausted – now I bust through 3 hours with ease! I particularly loved the Be.come routines because they were simple but effective – they showed me that my body COULD do those things, but also if there was something I wasn’t quite ready for, I could modify it to make it work for me until I was ready. It was magical!
Do I love my body? Yes! It allows me to live my dream life in NYC & for that alone I appreciate it. Do I love the way it looks? Hellllllll to the no. But that’s ok – I’m a work in progress & everyday is a new chance to be more gentle with myself.
I’d like to be a part of this to show that you can be fat & active – and maybe even beautiful? I NEVER see my body type represented in fitness, which is sad because I know there’s lots of us out there who are fat, active, & HEALTHY!