a better before and after

Most of you know by now how much I dislike “before and after” photos being used as a way to display health. I’ll never forget when one of my friends was complaining about her weight. I’d tell her she looked great (she did), and she would say she wasn’t as skinny as she had been the previous summer.

I finally looked at her and said, “do you remember last summer? You had just broken up with your long time partner, you were depressed and not eating. I came to your house one day and made you get out of bed, shower and take a walk outside because you couldn’t do it alone. You were working out rigorously to the point of exhaustion. Yes, you were really skinny, but you were also really sad.”

My friend was using her “skinniest weight” as a benchmark for her “goal weight”, but in the end, it was unrealistic — her thinnest so happened to also be her saddest. If she scrolled back through insta, I’m sure she could find herself looking seemingly happy and toned (we only post the glossy stuff) but if she inspected closer, she would see that sadness brimming through her eyes.

So, this is why I don’t like before and after pictures. Too easy to lie. Not to mention lighting, camera angles, poses etc etc. Side note: I am however a fan of movement progression videos. I would love to see some of you film your favorite sequences now, and then film them again after 3 months of be.coming. You’ll be surprised at how much smoother your body is able to move. Just a thought.

Anyway, what sparked me to write this (and I WILL be writing more notes from bethany once things are operating at a smooth pace) is an email I received from a client named Chelsea. Chelsea is the model front and center in the photo when you open the app (you know, the one with the three women looking like badasses). She started doing be.come during the January beta project and when I asked for people to model for the website, Chelsea was one of my favorite submissions.

Her email was basically like “WTF AM I DOING SENDING IN A PIC OF ME IN MY UNDERWEAR. I’M SO SCARED BUT ALSO PICK ME”. Okay, not exactly that, but her email was really vulnerable and honest. She talked about not being there yet, but still really working hard on the self-love thing, and that doing be.come beta had helped.

When Chelsea arrived to the shoot I saw the most beautiful spark in her. I really can’t explain it, but something about her soul spoke to me. I watched her become more and more comfortable in her skin during the few hours she was with me. It was pretty amazing. And now, of course, Chelsea is one of my most used faces for be.come.

I recently received the following email and photos from Chelsea.

“Okay I have to share this with you. When I got married at the end of January and we got our pictures back I couldn’t even LOOK AT MYSELF. I was in such a dark place….Today I looked through the pictures again & NOW I can only see how happy and in love I was with my husband. I can’t thank you enough for the mindset shift that you and the project have brought me. Slowly but surely loving myself more every day.”

THIS is what a before and after picture should be. Being able to look at a photo of yourself that you once hated, and now being able to look at it with love. THIS is the change we are making. THIS is what be.come is about.

I love you all. Thanks for bearing with me as we’ve been working on app updates. There have definitely been some roadblocks this week but I’m doing all I can. Have the best week

xx – bcm

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a story from you

I’ve only seen the inboxes of a handful of businesses, but I’m pretty sure the emails I receive on a daily basis are unlike any other. I imagine the reason for this is because I share so much of me, it allows you to open up and share you. I love this btw – please never stop.

Here is a recent message that inspired me. I hope you enjoy it just as much as I did.

Client J:

Hey Bethany. I went to your Monday night class last week at Bandier in SoHo with my sister. She had been trying to convince me to check you out for months now, and I’m glad I got to meet you. Your class and your site have touched me.

I am generally a very active person but have struggled a lot with anorexia for years and that’s made my relationship with food and exercise pretty complicated. This past year I’ve gained 50lbs from medication side effects —I have bipolar disorder— and have had a very difficult time exercising in public. There are people in my life aren’t very understanding and saw me go from a very “successful” and “fit” person to a “troubled” and “curvy” girl. To say the least, self-esteem and sense of control has gone down the gutter.

This is a very long-winded explanation. Do people often spill their guts to you?

Here is the point I am trying to get to: Going to your class last week had a very mixed effect. Your energy is amazing, and I loved the movements in the class. Being half naked around a lot of very skinny people was not so fun, admittedly. I think it was important to feel uncomfortable, though. That’s part of the stigma, and I need to start accepting and loving myself and others for who we are. Yours was the first class I’ve ever been to where the energy only had to do with joy and togetherness. There were no expectations. No judgments coming from you. Just encouragement. And a lot of dancing apparently.

I very happily downloaded your app and have had a great experience with it so far. I’ve been reading the blog posts and everyone’s stories. It’s been so helpful and given me a lot of hope.

I hope I’ll be able to join a class again sometime soon, but in the meantime, I wanted to thank you for shining a light into a dark place for me.

My response:

Of course I remember you. It’s funny, I couldn’t tell why I felt so connected to you in class but now I understand. Admittedly, I shed some tears reading your email. I enjoy fitness, but I don’t see that as what I actually do. It’s a deeper connection, it should be a place you can go to love on you. When I experienced fitness in the past it was never a sanctuary, it was a torture chamber. I worked out to beat my body into a shape I thought was perfect, and the fucked up thing is I’m already a small person. I realized we all have a skewed way of thinking about our shape and I just wanted to create a place where we can change that. Hearing you repeat my mission back to me is music to my ears.

I’m sure what you have gone through with weight fluctuation has been really tough. Especially the shifted point-of-view from friends, family and society. I hope you smile to know that I was glowing inside when you finished class in just your sports bra. I genuinely thought, she looks great, this is my kind of client – works hard, listens and gets a little naked. And also, bandier can be an intimidating place. They partner with modeling agencies which is why you see so many leggy ladies, but you know what? Those leggy ladies have insecurities too and come back often because they are filling up on that same feeling you are. The reality is, we’re all the same.

People do often spill their guts to me and often, I spill right back. It helps me heal. So I suppose in that way, we heal each other. Enjoy the app and let me know if you need anything. And of course, would love to have you in class again soon xx

Month: August 2018